Apologies, it’s been a while since my last blog and yesterday I received an email asking for one. So, here it is in all its glory.

A lot has happened since my last confession. I’m still here in paradise in the beach house, 2 months in and I still love the sound of the sea, but there are a few issues which I’ve previously mentioned. Yes!!! The fuckin bugs, millions of them. They are annoying me as I type this.

A few weeks ago we got invited on a boat trip. Rude not to, so we headed out on Paul’s boat 4 of us to Sambawan, an island about an hour north of Biliran. This makes my place look like a council estate, talk about paradise. I went snorkelling and no joke it was like swimming in an aquarium. Lion Fish, fishes with pointy noses and so on. We chilled, had a BBQ and slept in wooden huts. It was magical. To round off the weekend we came home for supplies and headed off to another island called Dalutan for a BBQ, music, drink and electric eels (seeing not eating). Then we headed for home, a slight problem when the boat broke down and we had to wait an hour for international rescue, but we finally got back safe and sound.

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with a dodgy skin and blood disease, it can’t be cured but can be treated and yes! It flared up again. I’m going to blame a serious drinking session in Guernsey for this and my mate Shuff. Yes, mate it’s all your fault.  It’s been 5 years since my last confession treatment and I need to have a venesection (a phlebotomy) 500ml of blood out on a bi-weekly basis. I live on an island with a dodgy hospital and I found out that I needed to speak to a nurse called Rachel to see if I can get this done locally. To get Rachel’s number I then needed to speak to a Pastors wife. I headed to the local school where I know she’ll be and found her. I explained my situation and all she said was that God would heal me with the help of the Pastor himself. Funnily enough, I happened to arrive on the day when it was a big Pastors in the other town weekly meeting. Pastor overload about to happen. I said, I see you’re busy, so please let me have Rachel’s number and I’ll be on my way. No chance, I’m pushed into the Pastor overload meeting when again I explain my situation. Do I believe in God they asked, I said yes, if he’s got Rachels number? Oh! but I was in the Church of England choir when I was 8. Bad mistake saying that…

The Pastors then went to place their hands on my head and pray away a rare blood disease, They told me it’d work. I’m getting a bit edgy now and my girl said just play along.

5 or 6 Pastors doing their bit and still no bloody mobile number of Rachel. To cut a long story short, I finally got Rachel’s number. I thanked them for the Pastor overload and ran out.

I explained my situation to Rachel and she said come and visit me at the hospital. Time arranged, I’m getting excited thinking that I can get my treatment. So Rachel, can you get someone to give me a Venesection please? Her first response was “lets pray”, I said I’ve already done that bit. No chance of getting out of this one either. Hand on head job. Could Rachel get me a venesection – No she’s couldn’t. Finally, we sourced a Dermot O’Leary-ologist in Tacloban. We have to travel 3 hours to get it done every 2 weeks but fingered crossed it’s working and I get a KFC fix while we’re there too.

I’ve got some BIG news coming up very soon and I’m looking forward to sharing it with you. Stay tuned for the next thrilling part of Johnny in Asia.

Keep smiling and thanks for reading.


PS Check out my Hermit Crab video